by Karen Carmeli; edited by Akira Ikemi
Focusing is a method that helps us focus on “this thing” that keeps us occupied and bothers us on a daily basis. We would like to find a way out of the tangle and relieve the tension that has accumulated due to "this thing."
In Focusing, you focus on "this thing" which is called felt sense: a feeling that is often difficult to describe in words. It is mainly an experience - a general or specific feeling in the body or in the atmosphere. It is a feeling that is alive and dynamic and full of layers and meanings that, only if we pay attention to it and really agree to experience it and attempt to say it, can it become a resource, a driving force and a change maker.
Deep listening and Focusing on the felt sense leads to an encounter with the implicit. We can understand ourselves in a broad way, lengthwise, because when we really listen to the felt sense, memories, images, experiences, beliefs, and emotions arise that we are not usually in contact with. We are actually enabling a meeting with what is stirring from below and drives the important decisions in our lives. Contact with the felt sense raises all this and also creates a sense of control based on the assumption that the power is in our hands and that we are the experts in the affairs of our lives. Through deep listening and symbolizing the felt sense, we will understand and know exactly what is good for us and what we need in order to move forward.
The felt sense is important and unique because it knows the past/present/future. While attending to the felt sense in the present, we recognize our memories, understandings, insights and information which float from the past, as we Focus on how it all is in the body now. There is a future because it takes us forward to the next step and through it, we discover what we need in order to feel better.
In most cases, we can talk about our feelings and describe them, but this is not always enough to feel better and understand what we really need to be able to get out of the painful and complicated place we are in. Sometimes, repetitiveness gives a feeling that we are walking in place or walking in circles. On the other hand, the inner-body feeling of awareness may introduce something new into the equation; something that can turn into real change.
Focusing in Jazz🎷
I sing jazz. I can easily find many specific descriptions and images that describe a felt sense. It's magical.
It is clear to me that only the one who wrote the music notes knows what feeling he had; but when I sing, I experience a felt sense that is specific only to me. It brings me together to the present with an experience from the past, and leads me to a different, new feeling later on.
I will give three examples with three songs that were written by men but because my favorite singers who sing those songs are women, I will write about them from a female point of view.
I encourage you to listen to them as you read. Links to the songs are provided.
“That Old Feeling” (1937)
Writer: Lee Brown
Music: Sammy Fain
Vocals: Anita O’Day
In the song “That Old Feeling,” the vocalist describes the nostalgic feeling she experienced the moment she met that man. “That Old Feeling” is already a handle to a direct reference. It's very specific.
♪ The moment that you danced by/ I felt the thrill/ And when you caught my eyes/ My heart stood still/
At every moment something happens in her body. She felt a “thrill” and then when he looked at her, her heart skipped a beat. She experiences and understands the present, what is happening in her body at that very moment:
♪ And I know the spark of love was still burning/
It reminds her of a familiar emotion from the past:
♪...That old feeling.../
And then, she understands what needs to happen next, in the near future:
♪ There'll be no new romance for me/ It's foolish to start/ For that old feeling/ Is still in my heart/
She knows that the right thing to do now is to listen to the felt sense in her body and to stay with the man who ignites this feeling in her heart. There is no point in starting something new with someone else, because the feeling about the specific man in the song is clear and familiar.
Another way to Focus on a felt sense is to turn it into an entity and conduct a dialogue with it at eye level, like in the song:
“Good Morning Heartache” (1946)
Writers: Irene Higginbotham, Ervin Drake, Dan Fisher.
Vocals: Billie Holiday
In the song “Good Morning Heartache,” she turns the pain into an entity and talks to it. She greets it and describes it, and what it causes her.
♪ Good morning heartache/ You old gloomy sight/ Good morning heartache/
Thought we said goodbye last night/ I turned and tossed until it seemed you had gone/ But here you are with the dawn.
She does not oppose it, she does not complain to it, she does not judge it. She describes it and conducts a dialogue with it at eye level.
♪ Wished I'd forget you/ But you are here to stay/ It seems I met you/ When my love went away.../ Might as well get used to you hanging around/ Good morning heartache, sit down/
She admits to it that she would like to forget it,and accepts the fact that the emotional pain is here, and will probably remain. She is aware that there is a chance that she might even get used to it, so she doesn't fight it. She invites it to sit down, as we invite a guest.
♪ Stop haunting me now/ Can’t shake you no how/ Just leave me alone/ I’ve got those Monday blues/Straight through Sunday blues/
She knows exactly what to ask for (“stop chasing me now”). She knows what she can't do with it (she can't shake it away from her). She knows what it does to her (a feeling of sadness that passes from day to day).
♪ Now everyday I start by saying to you/ Good morning heartache what's new?/
Taking the step and asking "What's new?" appears a lot in Gendlin’s writings. When we talk about the same issue over and over again, there is a chance that we have even gotten used to it, which will make it difficult for us to get out of the entanglement and reach new insights/experiences. In order to enable a new experience, a shift felt, it is worth inviting our curiosity and asking “What's new?” It is like inviting a new experience, a new understanding, a new insight.
“You Go to My Head” (1938)
Music: J.Fred Coots
Lyrics: Haven Gillespie
Vocals: Billie holiday
The song is full of beautiful images that can be very clear and there are specific handles that we can continue to work with, but I will focus on only three images.
♪ You go to my head and you linger like a haunting refrain/ And I find you spinning round in my brain/ Like a bubble in a glass of champagne/
The image “haunting refrain” is specific and I can see it as a handle. The details make it even more specific and emphasize the mind-body impact. You echo in my head like a chorus that repeats and plays over and over again, and bubbles as intensely as champagne bubbles. Champagne is an alcoholic drink that also physically affects the body and causes dizziness, so it sharpens the dialogue between the repetitive chant that plays in the head and the feeling of dizziness in the body.
As much as we try to imagine and experience in our body the experience written in the song, accurately as it is, in our body and in our experience, it will be different and it will take us to other places. In my opinion, it is powerful and magical in equal measure.
♪ You go to my head/ With a smile that makes my temperature high/ Like a summer with a thousand Julys/ You intoxicated my soul with your eyes/
The image intoxicated also has a strong impact on the body. I can imagine the sensations of intoxication in the body and ask what’s so bad about it or what does it need. From this point, I can step toward the next step after clarifying the whole condition deeply. It will be fine as well, to leave it as it is and give it some time, as it seems at the very last phrase of the song. The song concludes with insight:
♪ Although I am certain that this heart of mine/ Hasn’t a ghost of a chance in this crazy romance/ You go to my head/ You go to my head/
Although she realizes that she has no chance of being satisfied by the love she experiences, she agrees to experience the specific feeling and allow it to be, as it is.
In most cases, this is the way to a solution. The agreement to accept what is there without resisting it. It is precisely to acknowledge the unpleasant thing that will pave the way for something new to happen and might even motivate an action that will make us feel better if we’ll allow it to be and give it the time it needs.
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Karen Carmeli is a Holistic Therapist and a Certified Focusing Professional (TIFI). She is an Israeli living in Tokyo. She sings jazz in her free time.
Akira Ikemi is a Coordinator of TIFI. He currently serves on the steering committee of the Eugene T. Gendlin Center for Research in Experiential Philosophy and Psychology.