by Barbara Dickinson
First, thank you to TIFI for the privilege of attempting to pay tribute to Lucy Rietveld Bowers. Lucy contributed so much to our global Focusing community, and to each and every one she met. How can anyone possibly do justice to her?
Lucy and I met in the Focusing Institute Summer School (FISS) of 2010. We only spent a little time together, but had several conversations thereafter, which I remember as always deep and meaningful. Lucy is known to so many people through her teaching, her writing, her innovations, her love of all things Focusing, and most of all her joyful spirit.
Second, let us thank all those who offered words of tribute upon Lucy’s passing. As many as possible are included here. There are so many more of you out there whose lives she touched! Meanwhile, for those of you who kindly offered a memory of Lucy, your moving words made this tribute possible.
Lucy was born in 1943, in the middle of a time in history when a world war was raging. This must have shaped her early years in ways we can only imagine. She lived for almost 80 years, and Lucy carried on across all those years with such grace and hope. She also carried her Dutch ancestry with her proudly throughout her life, and often shared a comment about how this or that in her current experience brought that Dutch heritage to light.
From her friend, René Veuglers:
Ah how sad, my dear dutch friend Lucy passed away!
Soooo much love and passion for the children, for the development of the safe holding for all the children and integrating her experiences into the strong base of the foundation of the Children Focusing community!
Together with Zack, Marta, Kazuko and many others, she created the living vitality and wisdom of the present CF community!
We were all SO happy and honored that she was able to share and present at the last CF conference; Lucy you gave us MANY moments of Wonder! Thanks!
Sending warmth and open space for all her family and close connections!
Lucy gave generously of her gift of multiple languages. When “cross-lingual Focusing” appeared, as Robert Lee recounts, Lucy was right there!
I am saddened to hear of Lucy's passing. What a vibrant soul she was!
I got to know Lucy well when she got involved in the cross-lingual Focusing partnership process at the Weeklong, during the years when I was involved as a leader. Lucy, Beatrice Blake, and Mako Hikasa just recognized the importance of the way cross-lingual connects people across language and culture. They became Mentors for that process and for the small changes groups at the Weeklong. Lucy, Beatrice and Mako were all bilingual or trilingual translators. Translators of Focusing who are also Focusing leaders, are really very special people in the Focusing world.
Lucy was so straight forward about knowing something was a good idea and going for it. If she saw value, BAM! she was there.
(L-R) Lucy Bowers, Nada Lou, Ann Weiser Cornell, Atsmaout Perlstein, Melinda Darer, Kevin McEvenue
A teacher by trade, Lucy must have been remarkable in the classroom. What I admired most about her was how each child seemed to hold exceptional and unique significance to her. She often spoke of how important it is to reach children exactly as they are, exactly as their individual inner world is configured. Changing the child to fit some model was never to be done. What would the world be like if we had all been privileged to have that kind of educational environment in which to grow?
From her friend, Laura Bavalics:
Lucy was a gift. She could give the greatest hug, and the way she could listen was so natural, she listened from every fiber of her body.
She had a unique wit, and you could feel seen, heard, cared for, and even loved by her little wink, which was so uniquely hers.
Her devotion to children, education, and Focusing is a special example to follow.
The irony of life, the first time I met with Lucy was at the first International Children Focusing Conference in Hungary in 1998, and the last time I met with her was only a couple of months ago at the Online Children and Focusing Conference. Her presence was incomparable.
I feel honored that I knew her and I could call her my friend.
It hurts to count our losses in the Children Focusing Community.
But I feel we can find these wonderful people, and their special "Children Focusing Corner" within us when we need them most.
Lucy, you will be greatly missed, but that invisible string will always connect us, and your gift lives on within us.
From her friend Joke Van Hoeck:
I met Lucy for the first time in 2010 at the Conference in Pforzheim. I attended her workshop and ever since then I carry her two verbs with me: Noticing and Nurturing. Her presence was like an Omie for my little one. She introduced me back then to working with mandalas, in a Focusing way of course ;)
I had the opportunity to visit her twice at her home in Scarborough, Toronto. It was special in many ways. My partner lived in the same area when he was a teenager and I met my Focusing partner for the first and only time in real life, who lives on the other side of Toronto.
I feel honored to carry all those memories and humble being able to carry her work forward. The elevator ride and mandalas are inherently part of my work with children and their family. Although Lucy isn't physically here with us anymore, she is at so many places around the world.
Lucy was a pioneer in so many respects in our Focusing world. Of course, she knew Gene and Mary Gendlin! She was so often seen at Summer Schools and Conferences. As I write this, I am picturing Lucy, vibrant, energetic, full of conviction, holding a conversation with Gene at any one of these gatherings!
From her friend, Melinda Darer:
A big sigh
A big oh no
A big appreciation for your caring
A big having heartfelt conversations and connections around Children Focusing
A big remembering when you stayed with me so you could attend some Focusing events near Mary and Gene
A big enjoyment with you and Alan (my son) taking a break from the International Focusing Conference in Ontario, Canada and going into town for ice cream
One of Lucy’s greatest innovations in the world of Focusing was her “elevator rides” for children. I heard her speak very recently, and I was so impressed that, although elevator rides are her trademark method for inviting children to attend to their inner life, she noted that not all children have any experience with elevators and how important it is to first understand if the children in question know what an elevator is!
Once you took an elevator ride with Lucy, I doubt your life could ever be the same. I know mine was not. At the Summer School workshop where I met Lucy, she took us on one of those elevator rides. When I came back up and out of the elevator, I found a story in me about a black cat that I wrote out in almost perfect form -- little editing required. It had been just sitting there inside me until Lucy invited me to find that hidden gem. The mind reels to imagine all the children -- and adults! -- who have been invited on one of these rides and the wondrous creations that have come forth as a result.
And all because of Lucy.
From her Friend, Susanne Noel:
Oh no. :-(
The quiet weeping continues.
Once, Lucy and I sat by the fireplace at Asilomar and enjoyed a pianist together. It was a special moment in my life, our comfortable togetherness. We bonded. In so many ways, she was a light in my life.
From her friend, Tine Swyngedouw:
I'm losing a mentor, Focusing partner and dear friend.
Our journey started in Pforzheim in 2010 when you gave me permission to translate your articles on the elevator rides (part 1 & 2) into Dutch. You were born in The Netherlands and it touched you deeply to read your work in the language of your childhood.
You became my mentor in becoming a children Focusing trainer and children Focusing coordinator. After those 5 years we became friends and we supported each other as mothers – your children and grandchildren, you loved them all so much – focusers, writers and in dealing with severe illnesses.
Thank you for your work as a pioneer in children Focusing and giving us your work with elevator rides, mandalas, your love for wonder and stories – ‘there is no such thing as a dragon’ – and organising so many learning opportunities for children Focusing. I’m so happy you allowed me last year to publish your work on elevator rides and mandalas in my book ‘Focusing. Leven in verbinding met je innerlijk kompas’. You were so proud when you received my book. I’m so grateful to have you in my life.
From her fellow Coordinator, Ceci Burgos:
I met Lucy this past Weeklong where she could attend some of the home group sessions. Full of anecdotes of her meetings with Gene and eager to share her experience and accompany the new Focusing Trainers that were in the group.
I've already known her through the "elevator rides" proposal that I've read and offer to my students.
What an honour being part of this last instance of her fertile life. May she rest in peace. May our love reach her family these days. A deep and profound reverence to her life and her contribution to Focusing Community.
How many Focusing Students, Trainers, Coordinators and others are out there who have been touched by this miraculous person? Will we ever know? Maybe not, but one thing we can be sure of: the world is a better place because Lucy spent this time with us.
From her friend, Nada Lou:
Lucy, In so many ways our lives were interlaced. Your trust in me opened great gifts for many. I thank you deeply for that.
Rest in peace Lucy.
From a Focuser, SiewLing Hee:
Hi Lucy,
You may not know me in person, but I want to take this opportunity to tell you this:
I have heard people talking about you so far in the discussion list, and from their reflection, I can imagine how far you've brought joy, laughter, and inspiration into their lives.
In the people you have touched, I can still feel your presence.
I see you: The beauty of soul.
So, thank you.
Another remarkable gift was Lucy’s use of the “Mandala” as a form of expression for what we find inside -- whether children or adults. In Ireland, Derek McDonnell has put the Mandala to good use, and in this way, Lucy’s spirit lives in each one who carries their Mandala with them.
Because we are a global community, it is impossible for all to be physically present to celebrate the life of our dear Lucy. But if you would like to carry a little of Lucy’s spirit with you always, why not have a Focusing session where you create a Mandala in the way she inspired?
From Lucy’s friend and colleague, Derek McDonnell:
I am deeply saddened to hear of Lucy passing, she was such a great support to me when I developed the Focusing through interactive pausing in schools in Ireland and shared one particular Focusing oriented exercise -- the Mandala -- which I modified to suit our programme with her blessing as the final lesson plan for all our school programmes.
The pupils in the schools love this and we called the exercise “The Mandala -- ‘it’ says it ‘all.’" The pupils through pausing with their inside place with the medium of art expressed how Pausing was for them in their experiences of working together.
Nada Lou came to Ireland and witnessed and recorded first hand the living experiences of this exercise from start to finish in one of the classes in one school and the positive impact it had for so many of pupils.
This exercise has touched hundreds of pupils in Ireland and is one of Lucy Bowers’ legacies in reaching out to children.
Rest in Peace, Lucy. I pray your ancestors who have journeyed before you came to walk with you to the next part of your life.
Lucy was something special in more ways than one. She defied the odds so many times when it came to health and survival. I remember more than once hearing that she was in dire straits -- even near the end -- only to hear from herself a little later that she bounced back and was having the time of her life. It was even so earlier this year when she was scheduled to appear at the Children and Focusing Online Conference and almost missed her own workshop.
With thanks to her dear friend and companion, Susan Watson, Lucy made it to the workshop, and gave us all one last touch of “Lucy”, less than two months before she would leave us for good. What a gift. One of the reflections here talks about Lucy as delighting in getting things just exactly right. You can hear her in that last workshop, whispering her wisdom on how to help all of us participants learn the ideas and methods she so painstakingly created and offered.
From her friend, Harriët Teeuw:
In preparing the Children Focusing Conference there was first the shock to hear that Lucy had been through this stroke and she herself found Susan to replace her at the conference. And then there was this “wonder moment” when she even came to the conference together with Susan a few days later. Integrating Children Focusing in daily life was important to her till the last moment of her life.
I first met Lucy at the conference at Pforzheim in 2010. She came to the workshop René Veugelers and I gave about the Focusing School Project. I remember she was helping us to get the English translation of the school project right, to the point and comma, very precise. I experienced her drive to work together to get Focusing more available for children in school systems and family life.
Lucy’s resilience and endurance became something of a legend in our Focusing community. The words of Mary Anne Schleinich reflect so well how, even late in her life, Lucy reached out and connected, at a soul level, and how this offers us a way to stay connected to the light and love Lucy brought to the world:
“Lucy Bowers was an instant friend. I’ve often marveled that there is such a thing — one of the great gifts that this Larger System bestows on us: that of instant friendship, the feeling of connection, belonging, caring, along with genuine interest and delight, and above all the joy of being oneself in the company of another similarly present and engaged in the one moment.
I bet a lot of people share that feeling with Lucy.
I met her because I wrote an article on Children Focusing and I wanted feedback. This was only a few years ago. I never met her in person, but she shared herself generously and also welcomed and received support from me during her hospitalizations. Considering the awareness of time’s limited gift to us, I consider this another miracle of Lucy: that she kept investing in new possibilities and was ever watchful for the surprise element.
Lucy was a teacher through and through, and she expressed her life essence of generosity poured forth, delighting in wonder and unafraid of honesty. She is an eternal candle, holding warmth, love, undying hope - especially for children - and she will continue to inspire me. Remembering her joy is some consolation for the sadness of losing her embodied presence among us.
She is now another invitation to tap into the Larger System still alive in our bodies—here and other places, now and other times, the sense of being alive--not gone, but here. May we sense more and more into these gifts, in honour of Lucy.”
Simply searching TIFI’s website for “Lucy Bowers” reveals the richness of her offerings in recent years. “It Should Not Hurt To Be A Child - Focusing With Children” - her presentation in 2022, continued the theme that has been central to her work for so long. She said, “It is my hope to provide the why, the how, the when, and the where Focusing and Children needs to be encouraged and nurtured.” And that is exactly what she did!
The number of people she mentored, trained, taught, coached, befriended, and loved must be legion. Here are a few of her friends’ and colleagues’ comments on what Lucy meant to them.
Her colleague, Akira Ikemi:
I sit in humble prayer as I read Lucy’s obituary. I didn’t know about her condition or her passing, and had emailed her around the beginning of this month. I met Lucy when we taught together at FISS. I am honored to have met her.
Her student, Emanuela Fonticoli:
I am deeply moved about Lucy's passing… She has been so important to me, a GREAT teacher and one of the best people I've met in my life. May she have a light passage and prayers full of love.
Her mentee, friend and colleague, Soti Grafanaki:
Lucy was my mentor to become a Focusing coordinator. Over the years we met on various occasions here in Ottawa and in different events. Our encounters were always filled with bubbly energy and kindness. Her eyes were always sparkly with curiosity and zest. A great person filled with life, even in times of challenge and ill health.
She faced adversity without much complaint, like a fighter, strong and amazing, able to see a wider perspective when things got tough. Reading about her passing brought tears of deep sorrow. My dear Lucy, may you Rest In Peace. You have been an amazing human being with the real meaning of the word. Thank you! I am so grateful that our paths crossed.
In 2008, she wrote an article published in “The Folio” entitled “Gene Gendlin’s Gift for Children.” Her closing to that article seems to me to sum up Lucy’s philosophy, approach, hope and dream for children and the rest of us through Focusing:
“If and when our children have the benefits of Focusing, the world will be a different place from generation to generation. It may well be that what the world needs is to experience a paradigm shift, so hope for survival as a species and as a planet can be nurtured. Global peace can easily be conceived with the help of Focusing. It is with deep gratitude for the development of Focusing by Dr. Eugene Gendlin that this hope can be imagined within our grasp today. Please join me in finding some strategies in moving forward what has begun and with such momentum.”
Before closing, here, in Lucy’s own words, from her 2022 Christmas Letter, is a part of her farewell -- her inner knowing that the end was near.
2022 [was] for the most part [a] gentle [time] for me to get stronger, to enjoy and to have some interaction with my grandchildren as well as a bit of live music and friends. What more could I ask for? In comparison this year (2023) was fairly easy to navigate minus the month of July in hospital again with more heart failure. I am learning to live with all the surprises that keep coming my way.
My hope for myself in 2023 is more of that and I wish for you my friends and family that you too will have more of, lots more of, the things that nurture you in a life giving way. May your surprises be gentle in this brand new year. Love and prayers, Lucy
In closing, there seems no better way to honor Lucy’s memory than the beautifully touching words of her friend, colleague and fellow Canadian, Marine de Fréminville:
Hello dear Focusing friends. Overcoming the shock of Lucy passing away, (after renewing beautifully since last weeklong through a home group meeting she offered to maintain with the help of Katarina and Ceci), I am joining you in honoring her memory.
I remember her beautiful creative contribution when she was sharing with us a Focusing workshop for Children at our Bilingual Montreal Focusing Centre (we founded, Patricia Manessy and I, in 2001).
In February 2006 Lucy invited us to draw a tree and to hang some words on it.
To honor her memory, it came to me the idea to draw or to make a collage of a tree. We could all create a kind of an International Tree Offering, with the colors we want, writing Lucy Bowers name in the center surrounded by all the names or words we are inspired to write.
We can all collectively celebrate her soul journey through a sacred Tree expression, honoring her strength, courage, passion, determination, loving friendship and inspiration.
Being with you with so much love dearest Lucy. Sending our best support to all your family.